Within the framework of “The Church and the Law” series of interviews, Iravaban.net  spoke with Father Abel Kartashyan, the spiritual pastor of the Holy Savior Church of Ijevan, Tavush Diocese, about the role and significance of the family.

Father Abel was ordained a priest at the age of 40. He says that it was a very interesting turn in his life.

The conversation was held in the Haghartsin monastery complex. It is accepted as a Conservatory where beautiful gems were created, this is evidenced by Khachatur Taronatsi’s masterpiece, the hymn “Khorhurd Khorin” (Profound Advice). It is said that, during the consecration of the Haghartsin Mother Church, an eagle came and began playing in the sky, they said, the eagle played. In the Tavush dialect, the word game is called “hagh” and the church complex was called Haghartsiv.

– What are the traditional family values?

– In the 21st century, the problem of clarifying a little more what is traditional and what is Christian has arisen, because a lot of self-activity has also entered into the traditional and often we find ourselves in slight deviations related to the model and attitude of the Christian family itself. For me, a traditional family is a Christian family, where everyone’s roles are really fixed, where love and happiness reign, and if someone wants to have a happy family, he is well aware that without the presence of love, without the presence of God, it is impossible to have a happy family.

– What challenges do traditional family values ​​face in the 21st century?

– Traditional values ​​are gradually giving way. The fact that I separate the traditional and the Christian does not mean an increase in the role of one or a decrease in the role of the other. In the traditional family, we had a very beautiful custom that when the brides came home, they said to the brides, as a form of humility and devotion and keeping the word of the Gospel, ‘you have something very important to do’, and what is it, washing the feet of the elders of the house. That was the order of our Lord: do to one another what I did for you. And whoever wants to be the greatest, to be the first, must be the most humble. When the bride came home, she showed that she came with humility, she came with service, she didn’t come to destroy, but she came to create.

– What is the advice of getting married in the church?

– It is not mandatory to come to church, but it is desirable to come to church. Why is it desirable? When man lays his foundation, he wants to do it with God. I thank God that we have many couples who come and undergo deep preparation before the wedding ceremony, because it seems that they know everything, but after a few direct questions, you see that there are many open questions. One day, during a meeting with one of the couples, I said, “Why do you want to get married?” I was shocked by the sincerity of my daughter’s answer, she said, “We can’t live without each other anymore.” Love implies self-forgetfulness. It is desirable that you forget yourself in order to dedicate yourself to the other person, to live the life of the other person. The reality of sacrifice is mixed in love, if there is real love, it is impossible not to have a sacrifice.

– When marrying, the priest says: what God binds, man cannot separate. What is the attitude of the church towards marriages in general? 

– When we make that prayer, I address my words first to the young people, because they are the first to divide. I am saying that you are also the one who divides this union that God blessed, and it will happen when your roles are violated. When a woman confuses obedience with slavery, or a man confuses it, he confuses the very important function of being a master. When we say that the man is the head of the house, we are saying that you are the one who preserves the entire environment of the house from those external impulses: rain, hail, sun, etc., etc., you are the owner of it. Those external difficulties that have come, meet you so that their real impact does not reach inside.

Then I address my dear mothers-in-law from both sides and all related “warm” relatives. You know, at that primary stage, you can see that our husbands and sons-in-law are getting annoyed by the number of calls. Where did you go? What did you do? What did you eat? Who came? What did they bring? What did they take? Many families collapse even in the newly created stage.

– Are there cases when the church also accepts divorce?

– Our Lord says that if there is treason, which is a manifestation of fornication, if that is not the case, try not to have divorces. Let’s say the family comes, they talk; you see there is some domestic problem. I say it’s not the point, go. Why, father, I say, it is material, your whole conversation is material, you didn’t say anything spiritual. Betrayal is not only physical, but also spiritual, if there is no such situation, then the problem is definitely material or at that moment it is an emotional problem, they are easy to solve. People need to be able to separate the nature of the problems: if for example there are cases of deep-rooted violence, that there has been persistent violence against the woman, which has manifested itself in financial violence, spiritual violence, and physical violence…for a long time. And that person will no longer imagine a way out, will not have an opportunity and should lead to dangerous phenomena of self-harm; in that case we definitely intervene and have to separate people from each other.

– How does the church intervene in the divorce?

– We do not have a procedure as such, but as a person with a spiritual presence in that family, the most optimal solution, if it is divorce, which we reach through long-term prayer and examination, is this family to be divorced or not. We are guided by the attitude of not losing kindness and getting out of the clutches of evil in the family.

– We often hear about domestic violence, what is the role of the church, if not to exclude, at least to reduce such cases.

– I assure you, in many cases of violence in many families, priests usually provide the solution. Social workers, psychologists, everyone works, but the priest provides some mysterious, mystical presence and many problems are solved. Those fundamental approaches to human rights, which are the basis of the formation of all states and their constitutions, are taken from the Bible. But, when we see them as one body, we tell the husband: if you hit your wife, you are hitting yourself, when everything comes from this perspective; people perceive everything a little differently.

– Often couples refuse to have a child, is having a child mandatory according to traditional family values, if of course it does not depend on health problems?

– I have a personal attitude. Namely? The whole purpose of marriage is having a child, so that people can see the fruit of their love. It is so real when people see the fruit. That fruit comes and transforms their lives. A woman becomes a mother. The man becomes the Master in that family.

– What is the church’s attitude towards artificial insemination, surrogate mother services?

– At first glance, it was very difficult for the church to form a position and express its position on these issues, but the times came and showed that, for example, when the surrogate mother reality came to life, we realized that there are very dangerous threads tied to the basis of that scientific development.

– What is justice?

– Love

– What is morality?

– Manifestation of love.

– What is faith?

– Love.

– To what extent are justice, morality and faith interrelated?

– The solution that unites them is love. Without love, we are empty of everything: justice, faith, hopes, we are empty of everything.

Details in the video.